Saturday, April 4, 2009

On Spring Break

Yesterday was the last day of class before spring break. We had a half day, with students getting out at noon. After school we had 'PD' in the library, where we celebrated a baby shower for one of our teachers (third for a teacher's wife this year). Then our Lead Content Teachers (LCTs) were in charge of our professional development, and were secretly instructed to tell us we could leave. The principle couldn't tell us to leave, but the LCTs could have off campus or independent PD... Even though I could leave at about 12:30, I stayed till almost 4 (after having a relatively long lunch). I was not ready to leave, not ready or excited about starting my vacation. I'm having a hard time writing my exact feelings at the time as they seem at first glance to be contradictory.

I felt warn down by the grueling 5 day a week schedule of March. I felt as if I have pushed through enough 5 day weeks that I could do it forever, and disappointed that I have don't get this time to teach my students. I feel like I had a stoic resolve that isn't all together healthy. The kind where I have given up on hopelessness and complaining, and just get the work done, and then sit/sleep/bike in a vegetative state. All of my energy was reserved for school work and teaching. It was a simple, it was barren, but it would get me through indefinitely.

Friday night I was tired, and grumpy, but felt like I could easily turn around and teach again on monday. I don't see this time as a vacation, but rather a break from teaching. I have a very long to-do list, and many hours of planning, grading, and school work to do. I don't feel relaxed like I did before winter break, I feel run down, I hope this break is rejuvenating enough that it is worth the break in concentration that will cost me when I get back.

I am slowly regaining my humanness, contacting friends, doing things I enjoy, interacting with others, laughing. Spring break, as feared, has shaken me loose of the simple industrious life style. I hope I can get back there when I get back from break. It means I would put my life on hold again, but I AM a first year teacher, thats what everyone said I was going to have to do.

The only fear is that come June some aspects of my life will be unsalvageable from the wreckage and I can't rebuild them during the summer to maintain a more balanced life next year.

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